Overcast

The horizon of today was incredible. The water was dark and foreboding and the sky directly above matched it with a subtle threat of storms. Gentle though, it was like a loving gesture, warning of what is to come and to take shelter. But the horizon, far, far off was lit with golden light and remarkably clear. The far was in focus, the near was out. It seemed like a technique of a photographer had been applied to our view. The air was slightly damp with a mild chill and by the water, where we were, there was more than a breeze and less than wind. We, my two friends and I, were standing downtown and instructing our helpers, the gentlemen from the city of Edenton and a few helpful inmates, in lining the town Christmas tree perfectly straight from every angle. The sky was giggling I'm sure. Didn't we pay attention?, it was wondering. The weather that is blowing in may direct that sweet tree anyway it chooses. And we will repeat.

It's short. The tree was evidently supposed to be 15 feet tall. It is not. But, it has a lovely shape. And there is one stalk sticking straight into the air that must have been the qualifying attribute for its 15 foot status. Aside from that glitch in its growing, it is a beautiful tree. It will stand there at the end of Main Street and display Christmas cheer as best it can and no doubt, be made fun of for being less than tall. Do you see why I love this tree? Growing in a forest on the side of a hill, a sweet tree strives for light, it grows up, up... and then in the distance a loud noise... it is nearing...

"This tree!", cut, slash, fall, thud... drag... toted to a living room or hole in the earth to be put on display and judged. To be made to look like anything but a real tree and endure the scrutiny of its size, that it was, by the way, working on when so rudely interrupted by the man with the chainsaw. And still, a bit of dignity remains. The tree stands and the children smile. The adults judge. The children's eyes glimmer with the reflection of light, which to many souls means hope. Maybe the adults will look at the children instead to find their hope.

I joked that the tree was a reflection of the times. "Downsizing is on everyone's mind. Bigger is out." Maybe it was sympathy I felt for the little one to be criticized. Maybe it was just that I cannot help but attach feelings to everything that lives at a time, grows, strives high. I may cure myself and plant a tree for Christmas.

I then had lunch with the same two girlfriends. They are always fun and luckily for me understanding, because my mouth and brain were not exactly in sync. I couldn't explain myself correctly no matter how hard I tried. And I eventually felt that I was giving a wrong impression of myself so I tried to refrain from talking too much. It happens. I, every now and then, annoy myself. Words, thoughts, sentences, intentions- they get jumbled.

I came home to find many questions forming in my head over the news and this wikileaks issue. I have a feeling they are of a different nature from many questions that are amplified through television waves and end up being 'owned' by those who casually state the same exact opinion over the dinner table or in line at the bank. I may save those thoughts from the page today, as I am not communicating very well at all.

Christmas is near and although helping my cheerfully busy, town planner, store owner, friend with the official Edenton tree, I miss my holiday decorations. They are in the back of a storage unit, packed so tightly that I couldn't get to them even when I crawled on top of the furniture and made it as far back as I could. It's a task that hangs over me- organizing the storage unit. I wish I had been there to supervise the movers as it was unloaded and given instruction. But, I tried, at that point in the move, to be a little less controlling and relax. Note to self: Don't. Control the hell out of the movers and the moving details. This is one instance in life when it really pays to be a control freak.

At least I have pictures from last year that I can look at that will make me very happy. Plus, my box of tricks might come in handy. I have the slow motion eyelash blink and tilted chin dip in there that I can use on the husband. He may let me use his muscles if I administer those two tricks simultaneously and at the perfect moment. I may find a playlist of Jack Johnson singing Christmas carols and have it playing when I do. This is good. I feel better already. Next time I write I may have ornaments scattered all around me thinking of which way is the absolute best way to string lights. I have a fake tree. I know, people hate that. But, I've had this tree since I was in fourth grade and it's on its way out. It is beautiful, but slowly going bald. I don't have the heart to retire it. And then, if I do, I will have to go cut one down and I can't do that either. Fake tree, fir tree candles... I'm fine with that.

I'm looking out of the window and the weather seems to still be teasing, the raindrops are holding tight. Which means, I am treating my dogs to a walk all the way across town to Katy's house. I have an errand or two and, in Edenton, one can walk to a friend's house and hit the post office on the way over. And, do basically any other chore on the list. Bank, post office, boutique, coffee shop, jewelry store, library... all of it, smack downtown. It's nice. I live in the Gilmore Girls series. Funny thing, I watched so many reruns of that show that if the law of attraction is true, which by all indications is, there is no mystery as to how I ended up here in Edenton.

I have no clever way of ending this entry. I keep trying to write more thinking that something will come out that rounds my words out, brings them together and ties a neat bow. Not happening today. Which suits this day perfectly actually.