The Reincarnation of a Gypsy Queen

I get the itch sometimes… to move that is. I just want to get out of town, spread my wings and see where the wind blows me. At times I wish I could literally do this. It seems the only way to truly know where I’m meant to be. I want to just observe from my place up high and let destiny choose my course. I get tired of thinking about where I am in the world. And I despise feeling stuck. There is no feeling of safety for me by staying in the same spot. I want to see it all. I want to plant my feet on the dirt of many places.

My terror is not taking risks that may lead me to strange places. It’s of being kept in one place with no escape. Like a firefly caught in a mason jar, I panic at being able to see the world beyond my transparent walls and not touch it, with someone having been so kind to just pop a few holes in my lid to keep me from completely suffocating.

When my husband first took me to Europe it was our one year anniversary of dating. I remember landing in Paris and being introduced to not only a new place in the world, but a new place within myself. I found a feeling of familiarity with the smells, the sounds, the air and the way the low clouds moved so quickly across the sky. I saw, not just felt, time pass as I studied the sky. I felt I had memories of this place that I knew I didn’t really have. But, knowing and feeling are two different things and I always, always take feeling’s side.

I walked through fields of lavender and saw hidden castles in the French countryside, some of which were only remnants of a grand estate ravaged by war. Even these leftovers were more beautiful than brand new creations I saw at home. I touched a stone wall in a field that was no telling how old. I felt it and thought of what that wall may have seen over its years. This stone wall, after all, was probably older than my country. It was defining, this trip to France.

In Versailles, I walked hand in hand with my guy and got a fit of fright. I heard sounds and saw shadows on the cobblestone streets and felt as though someone was chasing me. At the same time I was feeling this, I was calmly analyzing the waves of emotions flooding me. I was two people at once. I was happy here in this beautiful place that I felt fondly connected to and also felt I had a memory of being scared. I think my soul must have landed here once. I can see why. It is a special place, even the sunlight looks differently here.

Since that first introduction to life on the other side of the pond, I’ve been able to absorb some other cultures that are mesmerizing. They are out there waiting to be relished while I dream about them during my monotonous tasks of everyday. It makes me stir and fidget and I yearn to move! Like in the movie Chocolat, my north wind blows and I can’t fight the calling to roam the world. I must be the reincarnation of a gypsy queen. If gypsies look like Johnny Depp’s Roux, that makes total sense in my mind!